My Great Aunt’s a Jehovah’s Witness

Yesterday was my great aunt Helen’s 90th birthday!  She’s my grandmother’s sister.  They had been living together for as long as I can remember in my grandmother’s apartment in Coney Island.  My favorite memory of my aunt was when she would be eating dinner with my grandma, my sister and I and she’d sing “I love you, a bushel and a peck” and my sister and I would smile and laugh because what on Earth is a peck?

Of the two of them, I’ve always thought of my grandmother as the eccentric one.  For example, one time she was meeting her proper, easily embarrassed, southern belle daughter-in-law in Manhattan and showed up in a leather vest and a giant leopard print pimp hat.  She also one time drowned my sister’s baby blanket in a blow up pool, that kind of crazy.

Recently, both of these awesome ladies have had some medical issues and now my aunt lives in a nursing home. Now you would think that since she was used to living with my grandmother, she would be okay sharing a room.  Wrong.  We got a call saying that she would be moving into a private room because her roommate was stealing from her.  When we talked to Aunt Helen, she told us that she was tired of her roommate talking to her so she lied to get rid of her.

She really brought on the crazy about a year later when we found out she had converted to Jehovah’s Witness.  We are a mostly non-practicing Jewish family, and she had never been particularly religious. The only time I remember her doing anything religious was attending my Bat Mitzvah and I’m pretty sure she only came for the reception part and not the temple part.  The next time we came to visit, we asked her about the conversion.  She responded with, “I’m tired of getting my blood taken everyday, so now they can’t… because it’s against my religion.”

 

Why are you here?

Funny you should ask, I’m here because I believe this is where the universe wanted me.  I would tell you that I read it in a fortune cookie on the same day that I finished reading a book by a blogger and then a friend texted me asking if I would read his blog while I was getting my future read by woman who saw the word blog in my palm, but only half of those things are true.  I might be a liar, but I will always tell you when I’m lying.  True story.

I believe there are really important life disclaimers you should know before getting involved with me, so here they are:

  • I am a summer specific boat captain… La Capitana if you will
  • I have two ferrets, Crash and Caesar, that bite my roommate and steal all my paper products (toilet paper, paper towels… Caesar is pulling a second roll of toilet paper up my stairs to hide in my dresser as I type this)
  • I am a teacher when I’m not a boat captain.  I teach high school English, which basically means I wrangle lunatics all day.
  • I am chronically single (this will appear in the next version of the DSM, I’m sure of it)
  • I have an anxiety disorder coupled with sporadic depression, a teeny bit of ADHD, and a mild eating disorder. I’m a little crazy, my mother had me tested.

Those are the facts that I feel are most prevalent, but since you already know that I have ADHD it’s possible that ten minutes after I publish this, I will remember something really important about myself that people should know.  Oh! How about the fact that I try not to exist without a trip planned in the near future.  I love to travel! Is that important?  Maybe not, but I would like you to expect stories of travel, past and future.

Well, good luck.  That was mostly to me, but also a little to you.